Monday, October 10, 2016

Syria: Rise of the Warons

Long term effects of Warons
What a difference a war can make!

Has anyone noticed what's happening in Syria?

 It seems that U.S. backed “rebels” are actually terrorist, Jabhat al Nusra and Islamic State are both fighting to topple Bashar Hafez al-Assad whilst fighting each other in their free time. Trying to delineate the opposing forces is like nothing that happens in nature or outside of it, as well. These Syrian intermural scrimmage match teams are more incestuously related than most Appalachians. I can't imagine how a situation like this came to be except for playing Twister on family night and everyone deciding to go Game of Thrones on each other. These guys are related by blood, marriage, mosque, flavor of Islam, and favorite plastic explosive compound. Oh, and they just happen to be from the same neighborhood, Syria. I'm having a hard time finding a reason for most of them them to be fighting, let alone fighting each other. Maybe they were just bored and some very irresponsible people left a lot of munitions laying around. Very irresponsible people whose reckless actions kill innocent people should be brought to justice, shouldn't they?

Whilst you ponder my rhetorical question, try to figure this out as well...

The Obama administration's top priority is bringing down Assad and somewhere (over the rainbow) down the priority list in a virtual tie with providing salad fork subsidies to transplanted Bikini Islanders, is fighting terrorism by the extraordinary strategy of attacking terrorists.

I know this is a hard one to swallow, but if you look at how we have toyed with ISIS for over a year, it becomes apparent that we're not putting our best foot forward and into Islamic State's ass. The topography ISIS inhabits is pretty easily bombed to kingdom come, at least by the appearance of their
 propaganda videos. Which, might I add, are of remarkable quality for Middle Eastern mediaJeddah and Riyadh viewers appreciate the unifying message to humiliate Rabbis between “I Love Lucy” reruns.

Speaking of a change we can believe in, Obama seems to have pulled a page from the Arabic Problem Solving Handbook…

  1. Identify the problem.
  2. Kick the shit out of the Kurds.
  3. Think about how to solve the problem.

Obama rewrote the procedure…

  1. Identify the problem.
  2. Change the regime of your choice.
  3. Watch the Kurds (who happen to be U.S. allies) get the shit kicked our of them.
  4. Think about how to solve exacerbate the problem.
  5. Sell guns to everyone including EXTREMIST TERRORISTS GROUPS, except Bashar Hafez al-Assad because he's a bad man. 

Please, try to maintain your composure. This is not a laughing matter. It's our ridiculous foreign policy. So, try to have some respect for Mrs. Hilarious Clinton and her hand picked State Department idiots who originally hashed the Syrian fecal fest together. Please.

Yes, it's true, Assad is no Ghandi that's for sure, but he's no Chairman Mao, either. This behooves Assad because we know what happened to Ghandi. Peace makers in the Middle East don't fare any better if you recall a man named Anwar Sadat, but I don't think Obama takes any of this kind of rational, fact based thought into account when he's obsessing. 

Barack may be suffering OCD with the “Assad must go” mantra because there are a hell of a lot more inhospitable heads of state out there on our tiny blue ball, and there are more on the way. One will be ascending to power this coming January 20th in a nation much closer to home. I could pummel Obama, Clinton, and Trump all day long and I probably will, but that's a hobby and I have to earn a living. 

Here's the money shot. The people who need to be shaken with one of those shakes that kill newborns is the American people. Oh, don't be outraged at me. No. No. You should be enraged by the behavior of our “leaders” who only retain that job title for “leading people on”. Those people being led by the nose are us, the US. The ones hypnotized by the mud slinging, the sleaziness, and the fully automatic ad hominem attacks or acquiring erectile dysfunction from exposure to another episode of the Kardashians. That's what good government/ entertainment is all about, isn't it? 

Journalism has been referred to as infotainment so why should the public sector be left unmutated? Govotainment, it is! Remember, you read it here first.

Now, continue drinking that and all other memories into oblivion because that's the final destination on the current route. While the muse is with us, we should concoct a new disorder called ”Waron”. Symptoms include, but are not limited to,

  • Inability to focus on cause and effect relationships
  • Easily distracted by bickering
  • Confuses issues with dog and pony shows
  • Repeats cliché  quotes like, “Make America great again” or “We are stronger together” incessantly.
  • Innumerate (e.g. Budgeting) worth a fuck.
  • Propensity to lie perpetually but not consistently.
  • Maintains a delusional worldview in which Republican and Democratic policies provide different outcomes.
  • Clannish as can be, and readily accepts any manufactured oppressed minority subgroup as their own clan. (e.g. - You're a Lesbian, Jewish, Folk, Artist, Male who identifies as a  disembodied spirit of a dolphin named "Harold". Sorry, a bum named "Harold". You must have checked the wrong box.)

  • [Add your own] It's a fun distraction while you try to forget what you just read and resuspened your disbelief. 

If you haven't rejoined the Matrix yet, there is hope. The treatment for Waron is called “diligence”, and the only negative side effect/ benefit is awareness. It has some antisocial symptoms, such as:

  • Inability to ignore hypocrisy
  • Reduced capacity to suspend disbelief
  • Increased skepticism
  • Always results in terminal sarcasm

While all the major powers involved in this Murder on the Mediterranean game claim that a cessation of hostilities is their goal, not a single one of them has proposed an arms embargo. Not one. Nobody. 

*Sound of crickets chirping*

War On!