Wednesday, November 9, 2016

We're not Nuts, We're Screwed!

Have you ever lived through a near death experience. A “gripping the steering wheel, your car is on two wheels, and a semi truck is peeling the paint off the other side of your car” type situation?

After the adrenaline runs its course along with some freshly externalized bodily fluid, you are suddenly overcome with laughter, uncontrollable laughter. Have you ever been there? 

I have.

In that blessed moment, It's good to be alive. No, it's absolutely joyous to be among the living! You would be elated at the thought of a migraine headache because it's so awesome to be alive!

A mere eight minutes to the next rest stop on the road, and we've already forgotten just how wonderful it is to be a sentient being. Yes, no longer is a respiring, masticating, ovulating, or (whatever the male equivalent is) -ing human of the pre-expiration persuasion all things good in the world.

Now, you just need to change your pants. It's cold outside the car, your warm increasingly odoriferous car. 
 The restrooms looks menacingly dark and adult bookstore dirty, and there's a line. Not just any line, a Soviet era waiting for toilet paper sort of line. You have to stand at the end of this cue as each newcomer asks the same predictable question,”What's with the pants, dude?”

You muddled through some pathetic lie about your daughter's birthday. You don't care if they believe you, and that's for the best because they don't.

A measly eight miles earlier, you were dancing with the angels in the Presence of The Almighty while looking at the world and asking, ”What shall we do with this ball?”

Now, you're reduced to this considerably marginalized position of ignoring hushed rude comments and the obligatory snickers which follow happening right behind your back.

For one brief moment, simply having the next moment of life brought you sudden and profound Enlightenment. Satori!

But now, here, you're best hand at the poker table, your all in moment at the casino, and some freshly-fallen angel holds sway over the turn of the next card. Despair!

I had just such a situation after the results of the 2016 Presidential election were announced.

Thank God Hillary is not our Chief Executive for the next four years. Yes, praise Him for His Hand of Protection over America! Thank you for being this beings God! I am delighted with laughter. I verge on dancing naked before the Lord. I felt like Solomon in all his Wisdom. Satori!

But now, here I realize… Trump! 

Soiled pants. 
Dirty, dark restroom.
Long line.
This sucks!
God help us.
What is that smell

An afterthought:

After sharing such celestial and humiliating experiences with you, I feel there should be some Aesop's Fables moral to this story, and fortunately my feelings haven't led me astray...

America has spoken through her election process: 
"When given only two options, we will prefer the inept over the malevolent."
Hopefully, this will be counted to us as Righteousness.